It’s happening again
It’s happening again: taking steps towards it, finding something I cannot understand or that doesn’t seem right, and freaking out. I suppose I don’t want to contemplate that I will have to turn away again. That’s where the anxiety is coming from. I don’t want to have to rethink my world view again. I don’t want to be torn. If my questions can be resolved, then I won’t have to face this, so there is the drive to find resolution.
But I need to work. I am frustrated at how long it’s taking me to work out whether the Quran is from God, or even just to read it. No amount of time seems to make headway. But what I will do is this. I will work for the rest of the afternoon, and then this evening I will read the Asad translation of Surah 33, note down my questions, and post them. That is something constructive I can do.
susanne430 said,
March 16, 2010 at 12:39 pm
It’s interesting to read your thoughts from back then compared to where you are today.
Sarah said,
March 16, 2010 at 1:35 pm
You know, I wish I had had the guts to be honest and post this publicly at the time.
susanne430 said,
March 16, 2010 at 4:54 pm
I always wondered what you were saying, but at that time I was rather new here so I didn’t feel comfortable asking to read your private thoughts. I thought maybe they were bashing me for daring to put my Christian viewpoints on a (seemingly) Muslim blog.
Kidding! Hehehehe…. Well, that’s how I thought of it (Muslim blog) when I stumbled upon it. I can’t even recall now how I found your blog. I’m glad these showed up now so I can read them though. I was a bit puzzled this morning when I saw SIX new posts from you and then when I clicked on them they were from 2009. Then I figured you must have made some of your old private posts public. Anyway, I’ve enjoyed them. 
Sarah said,
March 16, 2010 at 5:11 pm
I didn’t even make this password-protected – NO-ONE saw this at the time!
I don’t really know why, but I guess it was just that I thought people might add to my anxieties, or might be put off reading my blog by my doubts.
No, I never bashed you anywhere!! I always thought you were straightforward and upfront about your views and I liked that. I think my password-protected posts were about personal stuff, and maybe a bit about wanting to convert.