It’s happening again: taking steps towards it, finding something I cannot understand or that doesn’t seem right, and freaking out. I suppose I don’t want to contemplate that I will have to turn away again. That’s where the anxiety is coming from. I don’t want to have to rethink my world view again. I don’t want to be torn. If my questions can be resolved, then I won’t have to face this, so there is the drive to find resolution.
But I need to work. I am frustrated at how long it’s taking me to work out whether the Quran is from God, or even just to read it. No amount of time seems to make headway. But what I will do is this. I will work for the rest of the afternoon, and then this evening I will read the Asad translation of Surah 33, note down my questions, and post them. That is something constructive I can do.